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Workplace Transference by ACOA’s

  Adult Children of Alcoholism / Addiction in the Workplace

ACOA's often transfer behaviour learned in childhood into other adult spheres of life. In true co-dependency style these often confuse and confound us.

Some of these are;

• We confuse our boss or supervisor with our alcoholic parents and have similar relationship patterns, behaviors, and reactions that are carryovers from childhood.
• We confuse our co-workers with our siblings or our alcoholic parents and repeat childhood reactions in those working relationships.
• We expect lavish praise and acknowledgment from our boss for our efforts on the job.
• Authority figures scare us and we feel afraid when we need to talk to them.
• We get a negative gut reaction when dealing with someone who has the physical characteristics or mannerisms of our alcoholic parent.
• We have felt isolated and different from everyone around us, but we don't really know why.
• We lose our temper when things upset us rather than dealing with problems productively.
• We busy ourselves with our co-workers' jobs, often telling them how to do their work.
• We can get hurt feelings when co-workers do things socially together without asking us, even though we have not made an effort to get to know them and join in the social life.
• We are afraid to make the first move to get to know a co-worker better, thinking they will not like us or approve of us.
• We usually do not know how to ask for what we want or need on the job, even for little things.
• We do not know how to speak up for ourselves when someone has said or done something inappropriate. We try desperately to avoid face-to-face confrontations.
• We are sensitive and can get extremely upset with any form of criticism of our work.
• We want to be in charge of every project or activity, feeling more comfortable when we are in control of every detail, rather than letting others be responsible.
• We may be the workplace "clown" to cover up our insecurities or to get attention from others.
• We are people-pleasers and may take on extra work, or our co-worker's tasks, in order to be liked and receive approval from others.
• We do not know how to be assertive in getting our needs met or expressing a concern. We may have to repeatedly rehearse our comments before delivering them.
• We have felt that we do not deserve a raise, promotion, better workspace, or a better job.
• We do not know how to set boundaries, and we let others interrupt us. We can accept more work without knowing how to say ‘no’ appropriately.
• We are perfectionists about our own work and expect others to be the same and have the same work ethics and values.
• We become workaholics because it gives us a feeling of self-worth we did not get as a child.
• We may jump from job to job, looking for the perfect position as the substitute for the secure and nurturing home environment we did not have.
• We get upset when people do things that affect us or our work without asking us first.
• We have a high tolerance for workplace dysfunction and tend to stick it out in an unhappy job because we lack the self-esteem to leave.

After the ACOA laundry list of characterisation.

See also;

• Adult Children of Alcoholics
• Al-Anon May be able to help
• Alcoholic Family Roles
• Workaholism

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6 Views of Sexuality

Book Describes Six Views on Human Sexuality

This article is a bit theoretical but I think one can get the gist of the six views.

It also illustrates the potential conflicts that can occur if two people in a relationship have differing views. This is important for recovering alcoholics, addicts and co-dependents who often have difficulty recognising other peoples motives and emotions.

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Human sexuality can be viewed from six perspectives or “lenses,” says Dr. Caroline J. Simon. In more than 20 years of teaching classes in sexuality, however, she noticed that most books described only two of them.

So Dr. Simon wrote Bringing Sex into Focus: the Quest for Sexual Integrity.

Six ways that people tend to understand sexuality today include:

• The Covenantal (or Pledge) View. Sex forges a permanent bond between two people. It is a life-uniting act that should occur only within marriage.
• The Procreative View. The purpose of sex is to produce offspring. Thus sex must be heterosexual, genital, and “embrace the hope of fruitfulness.”
• The Romantic View. Sex should be reserved for those who are deeply in love. Loveless sex is not appropriate. People should be sexually faithful as long as love lasts.
• The Plain Sex View. Cultural constructs linking love and sex are outmoded. Sexuality is best seen as a desire for intensely pleasurable physical activity. It should be based on mutual consent so “no one gets hurt.”
• The Power View. The desire is to possess another while avoiding being objectified by another. Power dynamics are at the root of the link between sex and violence.
• The Expressive View. Sexuality is central to human flourishing. Sexual restraint is unnatural but sexuality should be used without hampering the empowerment of others.

Most discussion of sexuality, Dr. Simon found, present only the procreative point of view, which is the official position of the Church, and the secular plain sexality view. But all six views are present in society. Two of them, the covenantal and procreative, are lenses with recognizably Christian influences. The other four have no religious ties.

In practice, people may not view sexuality from a single lens, Dr. Simon notes. Or they may not know when people are using a lens different than their own.

“Rival views of how sex matters in our pluralistic society often mean that there are few shared understandings, conventions or rules of engagement,” she says. “It is little wonder that there is so much pain arising from misunderstanding and so many disappointed expectations in the sexual realm.”

“Yet the six sexual lenses can be more than mutually exclusive rivals. The perspectives converge when the pledge lens is taken as the central organizing lens. This brings sexuality into focus, allowing the covenantal view to be enriched by what these other lenses reveal.”

“Many times people’s sexual behavior causes problems for them and pain for others. Much of this damage is neither malicious nor intentional. People often simply don’t foresee consequences or understand the effect they are having on others. Lack of sexual integrity will fog our moral vision about sex.”

Bringing Sex into Focus features chapters on marital sexuality, virginity and chastity, flirtation and seduction, homosexuality, casual sex and sex as a commodity.

Adapted from a press release; Book Describes Six Views on Human Sexuality

Bringing Sex into Focus: The Quest for Sexual Integrity

13th Steppers Exposed

 

She’s not a saint by any means but she has some words of wisdom for the new members of Alcoholics Anonymous, including “Most of all, I have regained my self-respect.”

From an AA Grapevine article at; Give The Girl [or Guy] A Chance

“Today, I can say to the new gals [or guys] : If you put sobriety first, you can make it. In the Thirteenth Step area, here are a few of the lines I look for.

I run, don’t walk, away from the glib orator who presents a beautiful program of solid sobriety at an AA meeting, but confides to me at the first opportunity, when we are having a cup of coffee, that I’m so understanding and if he[or she] had someone around like me, his [or her] life would be different (he’s [or she’s] being understood far more than he [or she] realizes), or “You’re a beautiful person. I’d like to get to know you better.”

I’m leery of a guy [or gal] who puts too much emphasis on our wonderful Slogan Live and Let Live. The Slogans have been a lifeline to me, and I respect and use them (or try to) in the right context. But when I hear a member say over and over, “Where I go, what I do, when I do it, and who I do it with is my business — I say, Live and Let Live,” I know this dude’s feeling guilty. He’s [or she’s] doing something he [or she] shouldn’t be doing, or he [or she] wouldn’t be trying so hard to tell us to mind our own business. He’s [or she’s] paranoid.

Full story at; A Dozen Steps

Sexual Wellbeing survey

When it Comes to Risky Sexual Behavior, Americans Top the List

Durex Global Survey Data Released for World AIDS Day

Today, Durex announced the findings of its 2011 Durex Sexual Wellbeing global survey -- and many of the implications are shocking.

Among the more eye-opening observations is the fact that overall, U.S. men and women are practicing the riskiest sexual behavior in many measures.  In fact, six out of 10 U.S. men and women (60 percent) didn't use any form of protection against HIV/AIDS or sexually transmitted infections (STIs) when they lost their virginity.

The Durex Sexual Wellbeing global survey, conducted annually since 2006, has examined the sexual attitudes and behaviors of more than 29,000 people across 36 different countries with a goal of identifying areas where safety and protection can be improved.

Durex, a global expert in sex and sexuality, released the survey data to support the 23rd annual World AIDS Day (www.avert.org) taking place on Thursday, December 1, 2011.

The theme of World AIDS Day 2011 is "Getting to Zero," and the global community has committed to zeroing in on three targets:

• zero new HIV infections,
• zero discrimination and
• zero AIDS-related deaths.

The survey finds that people around the world are not being as smart as they could -- and should -- be in taking steps to be safer when having sex. And Americans are the biggest risk takers of all, according to the poll results.

So what did the Durex Sexual Wellbeing global survey find?

Six out of 10 U.S. men and women (60 percent) didn't use any form of protection against HIV/AIDS or sexually transmitted infections (STIs) when they lost their virginity. This number is startlingly high when compared to the lower rates in other countries such as Mexico (49 percent) and Colombia (47 percent).

Among those who risked not practicing safer sex, the largest proportion of U.S. men and women (49 percent) say they were confident their sexual partner was free of STIs, although one in five (20 percent) of all those in a relationship admit they are unsure of their partner's experience.

And close to a quarter of all U.S. women (24 percent) who have taken a risk say it was a mistake they regretted.

• U.S. men claim to have an average of 20 different sexual partners in total -- fewer than the men in Canada (27) or Australia (24) but more than in France (19), Britain (17) or Mexico (15).
• Meanwhile, U.S. women have had 10 partners on average, the same number as women in Britain and France but more than in Canada (9) and Italy (8).

"It is of great concern to discover how many sexually active American adults are putting their health, and that of their partners, at risk," commented Kevin Harshaw, Marketing Director, U.S. Personal Care, Reckitt Benckiser. "The findings highlight how important it is to continue the efforts to inform and educate sexually active Americans of all ages.

The survey was commissioned by Durex, the world's No. 1 condom brand, which carries out a range of health promotion initiatives to encourage better and safer sex. It was conducted online in 35 countries and face to face in Nigeria by Harris Interactive among a total of 29,003 adults (aged 18+) in 36 countries between Sept. 6 and Oct. 3, 2011. The U.S. results had a base of 1,019 respondents.   The complete survey findings will be released in March 2012.

For more information and statistics from the survey, please visit www.durex.com.

About World AIDS Day

The theme for World AIDS Day, Dec 1, 2011, is "Getting to Zero." After 30 years of the global fight against HIV and AIDS, this year the global community has committed to focusing on achieving 3 targets: "Zero new HIV infections. Zero discrimination. Zero AIDS-related deaths." Progress towards meeting these targets has already started. Annual new HIV infections have dropped by 15 percent since 2001 and AIDS-related deaths have declined from 2.2 million in 2005 to 1.8 million in 2010. The achievements of individuals, communities and political leaders over the last 30 years are reflected in the impressive gains that can be seen today. However, getting to zero requires the global community to continue its commitment to universal access to antiretroviral treatment, to delivering HIV and AIDS education and to eliminating all forms of stigma and discrimination. Play your part in the global action against HIV and AIDS, take the AVERT AIDS Challenge and raise awareness by sharing it this World AIDS Day.

All things are Possible

This is one of my favorites! It illustrates the difference between active alcoholism, addiction and recovery.

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.

One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, worry, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.

This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

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Links to 12 Step Programs

Sexual Addiction
Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA)
Sexual Compulsives Anonymous (SCA)
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA)
Survivors of Incest Anonymous (SIA)

Substance Abuse
Alcoholic Anonymous (AA)
Cocaine Anonymous (CA)
Crystal Meth Anonymous (CMA)
Marijuana Anonymous (MA)
Narcotics Anonymous (NA)
Nicotine Anonymous (NicA)
Pills Anonymous (PA) recovery from prescription pill addiction.
Smokers Anonymous (SA)

Family and Friends of Addicts
Codependents of Sex Addicts (COSA)
CoSex and Love Addicts Anonymous (COSLAA)
Al-Anon/Alateen, for friends and family members of alcoholics
Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA) for people working to end patterns of dysfunctional relationships and develop functional and healthy relationships
Co-Anon, for friends and family of addicts
Families Anonymous (FA) for relatives and friends of addicts
Gam-Anon/Gam-A-Teen, for friends and family members of problem gamblers
Nar-Anon, for friends and family members of addicts
Recovering Couples Anoymous (RCA) Recovery for coupleships damaged by addictions .

Other Groups
Clutterers Anonymous (CLA)
Debtors Anonymous (DA)
Emotions Anonymous (EA) for recovery from mental and emotional illness
Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA)
Food Addicts Anonymous (FAA)
Gamblers Anonymous (GA)
Neurotics Anonymous (NAIL) for recovery from mental and emotional illness
Overeaters Anonymous (OA)
Online Gamers Anonymous (OLGA)
Workaholics Anonymous (WA)

Survived Hubby's Sex Addiction!: WHO AM I???

Survived Hubby's Sex Addiction!: WHO AM I???: I am married to a SEX ADDICT.  There it is . . .  I said it and it feels great to finally say it OUT LOUD!!!  This is really not something t...

Alarm at growing addiction problems among professionals | Society | The Observer

Alarm at growing addiction problems among professionals | Society | The Observer

Alarm at growing addiction problems among professionals

Urgent action needed to tackle problems suffered by doctors, lawyers and people in other high-profile jobs, say healthcare experts

Doctors are three times more likely to develop cirrhosis of the liver than the general population. Photograph: joefoxphoto / Alamy/Alamy

Experts are calling for urgent action to tackle the "significant challenge" of rising levels of alcoholism and substance abuse among professionals including doctors, dentists and lawyers.

At the first international conference of its kind, in Ireland this weekend, there were calls for the UK government to help the silent mass of professionals who were "functioning alcoholics".

Full story @ Alarm at growing addiction problems among professionals | Society | The Observer

Binge drinking among women | The Manila Bulletin Newspaper Online

Binge drinking among women

By EDUARDO GONZALES, MD

May 10, 2011, 12:46pm

MANILA, Philippines -- Q: I’m 20 years old and I have a problem regarding drinking alcohol (beer, gin, tequila, etc.). Since I’m a female college student with lots of friends, sometimes I get invited to parties and gatherings. One time I drank tequila (I drank a lot) and that night my whole body became itchy. The itchiness lasted for a week. A month ago I attended a party where fruit juice laced with gin was served. I developed itchiness again. Am I allergic to alcohol? Does this mean I cannot socialize anymore? What if I find a job and my boss requires us to drink in gatherings? What advise can you give me? My friends drink a lot and get drunk every Friday night. What are the health risks of this practice? --Twinkle, Pampanga

Binge drinking among women | The Manila Bulletin Newspaper Online